Do you know zero? because I do. I know zero all too well. Knowing zero is feeling you’ve been knocked down to your lowest level. But knowing zero also means that you worked hard to climb back out from under the rocks. I’ve never had it “easy”. The first 26 years of my life were essentially bad things happening to me left and right. While I was young I dealt with an extremely abusive father both physically and mentally. He was into drugs, and had the worst anger issues. Nothing I ever did was good enough, nothing my mother ever did was good enough. It was constant neglect and abuse from him from the ages of 2-16 when I finally was able to start breaking away. I’m blessed to have my mom, because I truly believe she saved my life time and time again.I started struggling extremely hard with anxiety and depression so I drank a lot and partied a lot from 16-22, and then I got into body building a bit to try and clean my life up. I never had money, I was always working 2-3 jobs and 60 hours a week. I also did that when I first started CrossFit. I have no idea how I ever made it work when I look back. I started CrossFit at 24 and fell in love. It saved me. It gave me something to work towards, a new dream. It was something that came naturally to me that I was really good it. I could escape my mind and all the bad when I was there. I met a guy through CrossFit who I thought was great, and when I moved in with him that all changed. I started reliving my childhood all over again. He was extremely abusive, both physically and mentally. The depression I fell into was unreal and like no other before. I couldn’t believe I could never escape from this pattern. With the courage of some friends, and my coach at the time (who is now my boyfriend) I found the courage to leave.
But he didn’t allow this to be easy. I was thrown through multiple walls, beaten, and choked unconscious. I truly thought I was going to die. Luckily the neighbors heard and the cops were called. I came to to a cop yelling and coming up the stairs. They stayed until I gathered and packed all my things, and got out. I then moved back home which was an hour and a half away, with no job and $36 dollars in my wallet. That day I promised myself I would work towards moving to Wisconsin to live my dream and become a CrossFit coach. I wanted to fully commit to helping people become healthy, and train for the CrossFit games. I saved as much money as I possible could and moved out to Wisconsin at 26 which was Half way across the country from where I was. I completely started over. I left everything behind, and it was the best decision I ever made. I am now head coach at my gym, I am an elite athlete on the verge of making sanctionals, I have my own remote coaching business, I make connections and save lives and help people become healthy daily. I just bought my first home. I’m dating the man of my dreams who loves me and appreciates me more than anything. I’m 28. I accomplished all of this in two years. I am grateful everyday that I had the courage to change my life and keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you have a dream GO FOR IT. if you’re knocked down? Get back up. Don’t stop fighting. Don’t stop helping people and loving people. Don’t stop doing good. Just keep moving forward. Keep listening to the signs and you will get to where you need to be. I still struggle with anxiety and depression, I also struggle from severe ptsd. But I am happy, I am strong, I am living my best life, and I am finally surrounded by people who love me. I know zero all too well, but knowing zero is what got me to where I am today, and for that I am always grateful.